Sunday, August 26, 2007

My Summerslam 2007 predictions

Summerslam: Live on Pay-Per-View Sunday August 26, 2007, 8PM ET

WWE Summerslam, dubbed the biggest party of the summer by the famous Connecticut pro wrestling federation, will indeed be a major event for the "sport". Two legends-in-the-making, Triple H (Paul Levesque, son-in-law of WWE chairman Vince McMahon), and Rey Mysterio return from injury to heavily promoted matches. Three titles will be defended (there is no tag team match listed on the card) and we have a few wildcard matches. Going down the card (which starts with the main event and ends with what will probably be the first match, going mostly in reverse chronological order):

First on the card and the last event of the PPV, we have reigning champion John Cena defending against rival Randy Orton. John Cena has been the champ for as long as I've been watching - almost 2 years. He's lost it twice, I think, both times to Edge, and both times for only a week or two. He's never been a very credible champion, highlighting the fact that pro wrestling is, for the most part, fake. This over-the-top rapper-turned-Marine has maybe three or four signature moves on top of some basic brawling. He's tough enough to hold his own, sure, but he's beaten guys that, were the match unscripted, would send him away on a stretcher, or in a body bag.

Orton, on the other hand, has been built up for the past several months as a credible contender, but he's only a little more credible than Edge (who has failed to retake the tile) and not nearly as credible as Bobby Lashley, who also failed to beat Cena, at least in title matches (otherwise, he'd stomp all over him). Although Cena has had the title too long, I don't think Orton is quite the one to do it.

I can't tell you who will take Cena's title because I don't know yet. Vince McMahon previously stated (in-character) that he wanted to do something to "galvanize the family", and then it comes out that one of the male wrestlers is his illegitimate son. This may be revealed at SummerSlam or it may not, but once this individual is discovered/revealed, I believe they'll get a huge push, and if they get a title shot you can expect Vince to help them beat Cena.


I had written a LOT more, but due to unforseen errors on the Blogger site, I lost a lot of work - just as extensive writeups on the next three matches, to be exact. I won't rewrite it all, since in interests of fairness this does need to be done this morning at the absolute latest, because the event is this evening.


Triple H will beat King Booker, no contest. Booker T hasn't been doing well since coming to Monday Night RAW, and Triple H is one of the main characters. Plus he happens to be married to Vince's real-life daughter Stephanie, and they have one child together. Though Triple H and Vince have often played bitter enemies, it's not reflective of real life at all; by all accounts they get along great. Vince isn't going to do Triple H like that, having him lose to Booker of all people. This will be a squash match.


This one should be close. Khali is one of those never-lose monsters the WWE is famous for, but Batista is a brawler with a good record. They keep saying if he loses, he won't get a shot at the title again, but I seem to remember them saying that when he lost to Edge, and either to Edge again or someone else (Taker?). If he loses, I hope they keep their word, but I don't think they'll take Batista out of the title running. He's got to win, even if he only holds the title for five days and drops it on the following SmackDown.


Rey Mysterio is also returning, and it would be a crying shame if he lost to Chavo. Rey "earned" all of his credibility, being the smallest man in the WWE (midgets aside) and doing what he does. Chavo's whole image is all based on Eddie, his relative who died in 2005. Ever since Eddie died, Chavo's gotten one hell of a push, and I don't think it's as well earned as Rey's. Rey is a favorite of mine, though, so I admit to showing some bias.


So Johnny Nitro calls himself John Morrison now, obviously taking after the Doors frontman. For that reason alone I hate his guts, as Jim Morrison was literally a god made mortal for a short time. But I hate CM Punk's corporate-sponsored "straight-edge" gimmick even more, and Johnny Nitro is a good athlete anyway. CM Punk may be as well, but ECW has had pretty long title runs, and I don't think Nitro's/Morrison's is over yet. He'd lose a lot of valuable cred if he didn't last as long as Rob Van Dam, the Big Show, Bobby Lashley, and one I may be forgetting.


Now it's Carlito and Mr. Kennedy they're feeding to the Samoan beast, eh? Umaga has lost a lot of his invincible monster image, but he's still a force to be reckoned with. My prediction here is nothing more than a guess. Carlito hasn't had a good push in over a year. Ric Flair was carrying him, and now he seems doomed to stay on the midcard forever. Umaga doesn't need a push, he's a force all his own. Kennedy on the other hand seems to have been lightly pushed. I think he'll take this. If Umaga does, it'll be a squash match. If Carlito does, it'll start a Carlito push, but the odds favor Kennedy, and I side with the odds here.


Last (well, first, I'm sure) is the Divas Battle Royal. I just don't care who wins, even though they will be the number 1 contender for the women's title. I just don't see any credibility in the women's division, except perhaps Melina - maybe Mickie James. Some losers on a message board I will not name said that my choice to not predict a winner is based on cowardice, being "afraid to be wrong". That's simply not true, I just feel that until the WWE establishes a credible women's division, it's not worth the effort to try to predict the matches. Vince, if you happen to read this, there are good female wrestlers out there. My wife used to be one, though a knee injury forced her to retire before she was anywhere near fame. (Her gimmick was mostly based on Mankind.) I'm sure you could find a woman who could beat Cena in a fair, non-kayfabe, straight wrestling, no interference match. She might not look as good as a Diva, Playboy may never approach her, but she could bring credibility to the womens' division. I'm sure there are a lot of such women out there.

Well, those are my predictions. They've remained consistent since Tuesday, and are being posted at a little over 12 hours before the start of the show. A quick summary:

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Randy Orton (Cena retains)
Triple H vs. King Booker (HHH wins)
World Heavyweight Champion The Great Khali vs. Batista (Bastista wins)
Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero (Rey wins)
ECW Champion John Morrison vs. CM Punk (Morrison wins)
Umaga vs. Carlito vs. Mr. Kennedy (Mistah Kennedy wins)
Divas Battle Royal (Don't give a hoot)

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